memories, that is.
last night, i was er, having some enjoyment alone and started to go on to youtube as usual. god, i am pathetic.
anyway, rather than scan for my usual british fetish, i went about scanning japanese stuff. i was born in july 1968 and was in tokyo till march 1976. from then on till april 1982, i spent in england.
so anyway, i was watching all these hero/action stuff and i have a faint recollection of being very knowledgeable about them. kinda like what my database is now, with musical gear.
it seems, my memory starts from around 1971.
the beautiful thing about digital data, the internet and proactive uses for it on websites such as youtube is that the past can be made objective.
when i was at pre school age, the only way you could record a moment of life on picture was an 8mm. film is very costly. however, in the late 70's came video. in the 80's it became household. the 90's brought video cameras and the late 90's brought digital video. the 21st century has started to bring in non linear based video technology, via dvd, hard drive and simple memory.
anyway, back to to youtube. the reason i am addicited to that place is that i, my miserable self, can look back on my life via all the television and music footage i had grown up with. my friend eric was saying "mid life crisis" and i, in principle, agree.
but, i am using this moment of crisis to see how i was influenced.
1971 was vague.
1972 was very clear in certain things
1973 mostly clear
1974 and onwards, clear
so, this means my conscious memory starts from around age three. i reflect what was going through my life through those years and how those tv shows reflected or influenced my emotions and thus, subconscious.
i have found, that:
a. bad music is bad music, one forgets, very easily.
b. beautiful women, one remembers
c. too many heroic tv shows isn't good for you, i think my john wayne-ness was partly formed around this
d. japan was still in shock, amazing to see a lot of underlining theme and messages of peace, harmony and love in those shows
e. various other bits that will bore anyone else but myself
so that's me, john wayne hero wannabe 6 year old. flys to england.
gets exposed to the Goodies and John Inman. I actually remember watching "are you being served?" for the first time in 1976 and seeing John Inman going "i'm free, Mr. Humphries, I'm free" and feeling "there's something odd about this bloke, very odd". and I also remember the total mess that the goodies were.
combine this with the recession, labour party to conservative silver jubilee mood that was 1976, 1977, abba, disco, etc.
mix the fact that i was probably under a LOT of stress of having to cope with a new language, new people, being beaten up (hey, i was the only japanese boy in the hood), being applied immesnse parental pressure to be good and to become right handed (i am left handed. however, i was a closet leftie from 1975 to probably 1977 and could write different things on each side)..............
how to create a fuck up.
i am learning, thank you very much. if i ever have a child, i want to be considerate.
i feel sorry for my father, who was never given the opportunity to resolute with his inner anger, probably from childhood and crushed japanese post ww2 society. i see him becoming more and more intensifying as he ages. i wanted to kill the man the other day, but i said and did nothing. i like him as a parent, but do i have respect for him? i probably don't, unfortunately. i notice similar people on the streets now, old people that have so much fear and anger inside them.
